Lou Brown: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please? I offer him cigar, rum. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're f***in' ass! Charlie Donovan: Jake Taylor, this is Charlie Donovan of the Clevland Indians. "Major League" was released 25 years ago. Those Cleveland Indians are at it again! Doyle's broadcasting partner, Monte, declined to comment. Rick Vaughn: My first autograph. Jake Taylor: [frustrated, blank look] Oooogh. I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls. Hows the knees holding up? Willie Mays Hayes: The Gutless Wonder doesn't have to pitch. Oh-hooo! Jake Taylor: Yellowstone? I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like Betsy loves surfing. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job. [Near middle of the season, Indians starting to climb out of last place]. "I've been clean and sober for much of the past week.". I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother f***er out. If you are yearning for some laughs like we were, please find this film wherever it is you get movies to watch. Harry Doyle: That's all we got, one goddamn hit? Jake Taylor: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with? Lou Brown: I need a catcher, Jake. One god-damn hit? Like many others, Jake’s not the biggest fan of late ‘80s Cleveland. Jake Taylor: I thought he was my friend. Rick Vaughn: [Becomes mildly annoyed, but gives back the match box to the fan], Jake Taylor: Yeah, well you're a celeberty now, Vaughn. Willie Hayes? Tom: Well I just wanted Lynn to know what she would have had ahead of her. Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Chaire Holloway: So, what team do you play for? Pitching staff's pretty overworked. Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today. Needing more money to pay support to his 13 illegitimate children (one of whom is now a psychic detective in Santa Barbara) as well as the mortgage on the $14 million estate he bought from Alex Rodriguez, he became involved in several shady business deals. How do you think the Indians will do this year? You had that once, Rick. Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awefully good salaries now a days. Willie Mays Hayes: [talking about the promo for his film] That spot didn't show the real dramatic parts, like when they kill my boa constrictor and I vow revenge. Harry: [reading statistics on the air] And the Tribe drops this one, 6-to-one to the Rangers. Roger Dorn: As General Manager of this team, I demand to know when I'm getting a start. Ha-ha! "Jake Jr. is a three-time Olympic silver medalist," the proud father said. Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something?

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